The beginning of the End!!!!

I met with my adviser yesterday afternoon for several hours.  The beginning of the end of this part of my life is beginning.  I can no longer afford the house and I have to start saving money in order to move.  We need to do this now before I loose the house and a roof over my and the kids heads.  Paying all the must pay bills has become problematic no enough money.  We are short each month.  I am trying to hang on to several of the bills in order to maintain some credit.  My credit is worse than bad since 2008 when I was downsized out of my job and unemployed for 8 months.  Then I got a job that was suppose to be a long term temp job at full time and they kept playing with my hours.  I went to minimum part time which didn't leave me enough to pay the bills.  Then on top of that unemployment over paid me and I got my money cut to pay them back.  Though they stated that it was not my fault that the overpayment occurred.

Then fast forward after a year of working there I was hired as a sub for the Human Resource Office where I was working all along.  They promised me more hours but I only got 20 per week and then I was encouraged to apply for the job permanently and lost to someone who already worked for the district.  I never had a chance.  So I had to train her and then leave back in 2010.  I couldn't find a job at all my weight and my age was against me even though it wasn't suppose to be held against me.  Equal opportunity and all that.  Then the last blow came my doctor decided that I was disabled.  Due to the arthritis throughout my  body in my spine and everywhere else she wrote a letter for me to send to SS and was accepted.  But I have been behind in lots of bills by then.  Defaulted seriously on all my student loans.

Then the last shoe falls Art has heart surgery has a stroke and continues to go downhill for 6 months and he passes away on October 31, 2012.  By now I have wiped out my savings and annuities to pay medical bills and all type of medical things that the insurance would not pay for.  I had to also take care of Art after he passed with no help.  I had to borrow money and pay it back out of my disability.

Now we are at yesterday.  Not enough money we are always robbing one bill to pay the other so I am always behind on the bills.  I have fought to keep the house and utilities paid but to no avail I have to default on the house now to save money for another one.  My savings is totally wiped out due to van repairs since its our only vehicle.  I can't give up cable and the internet cause grandson needs it to attend school and its one bundle.  I have cut back on cable channels and everything else I can cut back on.  So I also find out yesterday that their is a note signed by my husband to increase the house to 81,000 he must have gotten some money out of it for some reason.  I did not know anything about it and that was the last nail in the coffin.   The house is worth 30,000 less than is owed on it and I am not on the mortgage.  Somehow
my name disappeared on the mortgage of the house.  I am on the deed registered with the state but not on the mortgage.

So now I am loosing everything I had for the past 25 years.  Credit is ruined, house will be gone eventually, and I'm not sure what I can afford anymore.  Not to mention I cant rent a house with the animals that we have and I can't break an autistic boys heart and get rid of all of them.  So I need to save the house payment and hope that we can get a good down payment before I have to move and have daughter purchase a house for us that we can afford.  So thats the story from beginning to end.  I hope that fate is done with all the crap that has happened and we can start over with some hope for a brighter future. 

I am so tired worrying about money for food, money for utilities and keeping the house paid up on not enough money.  I need prayers and good thoughts.  At the present time, I am recovering nicely from the 2nd knee replacement due to arthritis and the broken leg that started the whole new knee replacement.  I can drive again and walk again.  I have begun to start up some old friendships with ladies that I never knew when I was married to my Art.    I need to have some fun in my life as well.  Lets hope that I can find some.