Grand Haven Lighthouse

Grand Haven Lighthouse

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Rainy Saturday in January

Ok go figure a week ago we were battling a heavy duty snow storm that left 2 ft of snow now its raining and all the snow is melting and will be ice if the temps dont stay above freezing.  I am lost today.  Its so gloomy and ugly out.  I need to start or work on something but I dont know what.  Its hard to get myself motivated.  I think about all that I should be doing but I cant get my self to get busy.  I have a block a month crochet a long afghan that I want to do but I have I started it nooooo.  I have two cross stitch projects going have I worked on them noooooooooo.  What is so wrong with me.  I know I suffer from clinical depression have since I lost my son in 1997.  Most likely its now compounded by the death of my husband in 2012 and loosing our home of 28 years in 2013.  What in the world will 2014 bring.  I wish I could believe that it will bring happiness and all but part of my just doesn't seem to be able to believe in things.  I do want to be happy I really do.  I hate myself the way I am but not sure how to deal with it and I am even on medication that doesn't seem to be working.  I have lots more days of sadness and weeping.  I need to find a new antidepressant that I can afford with the new insurance.

this day I need to find myself and find myself something to do.  Maybe I will try to find some yarn for the corchet a long Moogly  is hosting on the their blog.