Grand Haven Lighthouse

Grand Haven Lighthouse
sunset

Sunday, April 21, 2013

I am what?????????????

I am on the verge of giving up.  I have tried and tried to work things out and nothing is working.  I had a major melt down last week cause of the stress and I couldn't deal with things anymore at least that day.  Nothing has gone right for me and the kids since Art died last October.  His family has turned their back on me all except for Arts oldest son.  However, he is not in a position to help us either he has his own worries that he has to deal with.  Working more jobs than the hours in a day is what he is having to do.

The rest of the family acts as if we don't exist anymore and no help is coming from them.  I have exhausted all my retirement long before now taking care of Art and paying medical expenses that his insurance didn't pay and lets not forget the premiums for his insurance that I was paying as well.

To date:  I am being sued by several companies that I have defaulted payments with since I just can't afford them.  Mind you these were companies that we have had accounts with for years when we were both working and paid them off and on time.  Now who cares what we did in the past.  Dealing with those is what caused the melt down last week on top of trying to pay other bills.  I have medical bills from my knee operation last Feb that I am not sure how to pay right now.

I am in default on the house payment now and am trying to figure out ways to pay my daughters bills to build her credit up so that she can buy a land bank house.  Not sure if we can even do that but we are trying.  I have been trying to make a jewelry business to help bring in some more money but that's not really working either and I can't keep buying stuff to make jewelry if I can't sell any.  Seems like whatever I try or where ever I turn I fail.

So why try anymore, why keep banging my head against the proverbial brick wall.  I can't seem to focus on things anymore.  The arthritis pain is worse in by left knee and back now days.  I keep trying to loose more weight but thats not working well either.  Its like my world has collapsed and I don't know where to turn anymore.

We are seeing a financial counselor to  help get daughter mortgage ready and I have an appointment with a debt counselor and the legal clinic in town that helps older people both of those are in May sometime.  I am trying to get my medicare paid for so that I can gain back the 100.00 dollars that they deduct from my disability.

I am loosing my desire to crochet, to cross stitch, to even make jewelry and to be here on the computer.
All that I can really say for sure is that  
   I AM A FAILURE   AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!