Grand Haven Lighthouse

Grand Haven Lighthouse
sunset

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Not Good

I just found out yesterday that the one person that I thought I could always count on is not that person.

Things between my mother and myself will never ever be the same anymore.  I always thought that if things went really bad for me any time in my life she would be there for me.  Well I was wrong.  She is more interested in what people will think than of what myself and family are going though.  She was never very upset when my dad died.  Oh she missed him and stuff but she seemed to have gotten over his death much faster and easier than I have been able to get over my husbands death.  Granted dad had numerous health issues when he passed but anyway I guess we each handle things and grieve in our own ways and much differently.

Now that I am loosing my home of 27 years she has grudgingly invited us to move in there but only as a last resort.  Due to all going wrong starting in 2008 loosing a good job due to being downsized.  Then again in 2010 loosing a part time job due to budget cuts then not being able to get hired for 2 years after that.  2011 saw the doctor placing me on the disabled ranks due to the arthritis and copd.  I finally received disability money in 2012 only to loose all back money due to husbands many doctor bills and medication costs.  All of which the insurance we were paying for didn't cover all or any of it.

All my retirement is gone due to the same thing renting medical equipment etc during the time he was home.  dont get me wrong I was the one that wanted to take care of him and fully understood the ramifications.  However people need to know why I am in this mess.

Not being able to afford the house, taxes and insurance which he kept separate on the house having to make choices which has now evolved into my loosing the house.  Ok its all said and done however what I never expected is that my mother knew all this and more but is now ashamed of us.  I am trying everything and anything I can to avoid her house.  this is not going to work out.  I know now where I really stand with her and she knows how hard i have worked and what i have done to keep food on the table and payments kept up only to loose it all.  We cant get any help from anyone to save the house because of Ocwen refusing me help and loan modifcations.

Anyway I can be civil towards my mother but I know things will never be the same for us any longer.  Its not nice or comforting to find out what your mother really thinks of things and of you.  Especially when she knows that none of this was your choosing.  I had always paid my bills and had good credit until my jobs fell though and not being able to get another job.  Trying to live on unemployment with my husbands social security hard choices had to be made.  then loosing his income being led down paths and ultimately failing on all things financial.  Now I am paying double for it and have no one and I repeat no one to help, understand, anything.  All of you who witnessed what I have gone through should know this.  But its not like anyone who is in the position to help or would like to help will read this or care.