Grand Haven Lighthouse

Grand Haven Lighthouse

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Additional Pages

I have decided to add pages for my crocheting and cross stitching projects instead of having them all lumped together on one page.  That way I hope it would be easier to see my creations instead of scrolling up and down trying to find the posts of the projects.  There isn't much to show for now as I have not been doing much of any thing except reading.  I guess the winter is wearing on me and the darkness is bothering me.  I really hate Michigan almost all of the the time.  I wonder what my life would have been like had we taken the step to leave here years ago.  I know my husband had wanted to but he kept backing out on me.  Oh how my life might have been different now had he actually followed through.  I was ready to go the kids were portable and we could have sold the house that I lost last year.  I would have had a family too instead of being up here with little family left.

My mother is doing well but its only a matter of time before its her turn she will be 88 this year.  Then I have just the kids and hardly any friends to speak of.  I'm so tired of being lonely and of being alone but no one will look at me and I am constantly kept here at the house do to lack of money to do anything with.  I can't seem to get any money saved up for anything.   I need a new stove, the garage needs a new roof, and possibly a new dryer how will I ever get all those things done.  My furniture that i have is old and worn out no money for anything new and I would be mortified for any one to see it all except for the couch my mom left here in the house.  I have nothing left to sell anymore and no money to purchase fabric to hand dye for embroiderers.  I have not been able to sell any of my hand crocheted things to earn extra money, with the health problems getting a job is out I tried for 2 years and no one would hire me.  I have been sued by numerous creditors left over from my life with my husband and some more will follow I am sure.  I should be about finished with them suing me and I will never ever get any type of credit cards again.  Making payments is impossible anymore.  I so miss Attila (Art).

I cant help but wonder why anything I try to do never ever works out.  These days I seem to be weepy more and down more.  Probably better I don't have any friends who would want to be around me like this and I can't even go to shows and lunch with some of my high school friends I have made contact with again as the money is just not available.

I try so hard and nothing works I have to keep explaining to the kids that we can't do things because of lack of money.  Grandson's autism and understanding is not very good and although I keep trying to explain he gets so disappointed and I feel so terrible.